just a blip.

i vaguely appreciate that i have no followers. i'm just another blip in the world. the big world of the internet. which is potentially bigger than the real world. because people can be more than one person on here. i know i am.

hence the love of discretion.

i feel like i need to go out and DO things. i think that's why i feel like living here is so strange. in billings i DID things. i went out and drove around, met people and accomplished things. here i just go to work and waste time watching tv shows. which is fine for now but i feel like i'm lacking. i need to go somewhere and be outside. i need to meet people and remember how they can be. i need to love and get hurt and remember what it feels like to long for someone again.

i'll even take fake affection, like last time. just something to make me FEEL.

i took a survey for work and my emotional control is a nine out of ten. which means i don't wear my heart on my sleeve, i'm rather stoic, and i don't care about other people's shit.

i'm usually fond of having no emotions and not having to deal with them. i think i've just blocked most of them out because i've seen what they can do.

but i miss being able to feel a little bit. i miss that passion, the horror of the truth, and the shock of love. or lust. it doesn't even matter at this point.

i know you're feeling the same. both of you. but we've got no pictures to prove we've even been in the same place at the same time. sometimes i just want to photo document my whole life so i can look back and have proof that it really was real.

it's time to take more pictures. i wish i was more photogenic.