i'm trying to think of when i was the happiest.

summer 2008 comes to mind. maybe early winter/spring too. i look at all those pictures and relive all those memories and it makes me sad that it's over. that the people are gone. that who i was then is gone.

i'm not unhappy now. but i got really unhappy after that summer. in the fall.

maybe that brief period was the eye of the storm. the storm of my depression. because it got bad after that. even when it continued to get better, it was bad. worse than i even knew. i think i'm still shocked at the damage that was done to me.

i want you to know that i miss you. and i'm glad you're happy. and i wish we could still be friends.

but we're so different. and we want different things and are headed different places. good for us for growing up and moving on. it was our goal all along.