I left my store this week. My home. My adorable 5191 hot mess disaster home that I love so very much. The home that I ran with Jonah with our precious babes, my dear loves, I left it. I was forced out. I know it's for the best. I know I will do better and learn more and Jonah will do better and learn more but it's so hard. I feel like my heart is being ripped out and I'm leaving it every day to go to Mercer Island. The new kids are nice, they're fine. But they're not MINE. I know they probably will be. I know I have to give it time.
But there's no Kristen and Tessa to joke around with and bring me Chick-fila-, there's no sensitive Alex to give me a back rub and come to me with problems, no more of my precious high school loves figuring out the world and growing up, no more documenting Berlin excuses. No more Jonah. No more rock that I hate and love and can't live without.
The transition period is the worst. I miss my old team so much. I hate that they still text me and tell me how much they miss me and need me and I hate that they text me and tell me that they're doing okay without me. Every little bit, all of it, it hurts my heart. I hate that they can move on without me, even though they have to. I hate that I have to move on without them. But they all get to move on together, and I have to move on alone.
I've even made weekly meetings with Jonah so I can see him and my babes.
I know it's for the best. I know it'll make me better. I know Brittney will teach me more than I could ever learn from Jonah. But it's different.
Everything is different.
It's all just going to take time.
