Midnight Rants About Life

Growing up is the strangest thing that's ever happened to me. I think it's probably the strangest thing to happen to anyone. 

I'm going through the things you hear about as a kid, as a young adult. I suppose the term "kid" is too vague. I don't know when it happened that I became a real adult. Not when I thought I was an adult or acted like and adult but when it really happened. I don't often think of myself as a real adult but I really am. I'm closer to 30 than 21. I'm one of those "old people" teenagers know.

Things can happen to people at any age: death, tragedy, change, consistency, real happiness. I think some of these things are a rite of passage for your life. The stress of someone you care about having brain surgery, the devastation of hearing one of your friends got arrested and will face jail time, making your parents proud, but like, really proud. But at the same time knowing that you don't need that validation anymore (even though it's nice to have.) Realizing that your parents were right about almost everything but they're also fallible. And that it's okay to grow out of the things they taught you. To grow into yourself. 

I wonder if people with a set plan for their lives feel accomplished at the end of it. I wonder if people without a plan for their life feel accomlished at the end of it. And what that looks like for everyone. I've always had a plan but I've almost never followed it. It's never made me feel bad; it's mostly ever affected only me. It's just interesting what everyone values. And what adds value to people's lives. As someone with no one else to answer to, no significant other to worry about, no children whose lives I need to worry about, I'm trying to decide what adds the most value to my life, what I can measure success by. I think many people will say family, their significant other, their beliefs, possibly money. Happiness isn't as quantifiable but maybe contentment is. But when does that complacency turn into a plateau? Should we always be reaching?

These are the rantings of an overworked, over-tired brain. At this exact moment of my life, I'm going to measure success in how many hours of sleep I'm going to get tonight. And I think the outcome is something I can really be proud of.